i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
