Can i not drive my cunt home
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize