I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
