I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
