You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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