Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize