all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My breasts were aching with rage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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