She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
