Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
