How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
