I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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