Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
