i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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