You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
