What did we do last night that was yellow?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
