I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk is not a location!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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