his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
