Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
