We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
