WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
