So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish you could order shots online.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
