i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
