the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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