Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
