We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
