if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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