I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
