It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
