There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
