someone threw a dead crab at me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
