What a fucking waste of an outfit
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
