Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
