I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
