i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
