we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
