Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
