its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This house was built for laser tag.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
