Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
