is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
