But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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