walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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