Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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