i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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