Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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