I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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