Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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