PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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