Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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