Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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