Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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