I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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