I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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