$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
