Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
