i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
