In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize