I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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