overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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