Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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