hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
