singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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