i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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