On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
