So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
