You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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