is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
