he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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