how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
