I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My feet surprised me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
