last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
