Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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