and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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