Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
