Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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