ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize