I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
