i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
