The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
