We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize