guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
