I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
