how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
