Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
