Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
