if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
