Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
