can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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