She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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