Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
