Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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