he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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