How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
