you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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