I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
