This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
