At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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