Your face is a jimmy john
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
