he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
