"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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