No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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