I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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