I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize