The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
whose parrot is this?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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