and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
