No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize