do herpes really smell.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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