I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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