so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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