We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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