hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
