Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
